Month-by-Month Pregnancy Guide for Dads

Month 1: The Journey Begins

Alright man, it’s actually happening. You are about to become a dad and entering what might be the biggest transition of your life. Take a breath. This is a major transition.

Seriously though, let us take a moment to congratulate you. We deeply value fatherhood and we hope you will too. We are honestly thrilled for you and honored to be any part of your experience.

First off, we want to acknowledge that the realness of pregnancy may not have actually landed for you yet. This is really important to understand. As dads, we don’t experience the huge hormonal changes and we don’t actually feel the changes — so things can feel a bit abstract. That is completely normal and it's all good.

Our aim with this pregnancy guide is to give you a heads up each month with a sense of:

What’s going on with your partner

What’s going on with your baby

What might be going on for you

How you can be helpful

Most dads go through this process alone, and that leaves too many dads unsupported. So please know that there are real dads on the other side of this email that are here to answer your questions and help you along the way.

You got this.

What's Going On with Your Partner?

The very beginning of pregnancy doesn’t usually look like much from the outside, but what’s happening in your partner’s body is wild. While our initiation into fatherhood takes time and happens on the level of identity, your partner has been thrust into physiological and hormonal overdrive.

The experience of the first part of pregnancy is different for all women, and often varies from pregnancy to pregnancy as well. My wife had some consistent early symptoms for all of her pregnancies, but each pregnancy was very distinct.

Here are some things that start changing in month 1 for your pregnant partner:

Physically: Hormonal changes start happening immediately, as her body starts the process of creating a human being from scratch inside her belly (remarkable that she can do this, right?). Your partner may be more tired than usual. Nausea and morning sickness might be taking her out. She may be more sensitive to smells and certain foods. SO MUCH is going on, and we recommend that you tune into her experience as much as you can.

Emotionally: It’s normal for her emotional landscape to be varied and intensified during this month. The hormonal changes she is experiencing have a direct impact on her emotional state and may lead to mood swings, increased sensitivity, and greater overall intensity of emotions. There is also an immense amount of meaning and social expectation overlaid with the transition into motherhood. It can be like a giant cocktail of swirling feelings: anxiety and fear about the health of the baby, pure excitement and relief if this was something that was deeply wanted (and conflicting feelings if it wasn’t), dread of childbirth, the list goes on. And honestly–you name the emotion and it might show up.

What's Going On with Your Baby?

At this stage, your baby is a tiny little cluster of cells, just beginning to divide and form what will be an entire new human being. We recommend you watch this 4-minute video to get a visual sense of what’s actually happening. It’s pretty mind blowing.

Basically, what’s happening is:

The fertilized egg is implanting itself into the uterine wall.

The beginnings of the placenta (not polenta) is forming, which will eventually nourish your baby. Most guys don’t really grok that not only is your partner growing a human, she is also growing an entirely new organ. If you want a deep dive, the folks at Radiolab dedicated an entire podcast to this miracle.

Cells are starting to organize into the embryo, and believe it or not, the foundations for your baby’s organs are being laid. Wild stuff.

What's Going On with You?

Let’s start this section with a question, rather than me telling you what’s going on.

Ask yourself: How are you feeling? What are the thoughts you’ve been having on repeat? What’s your initial emotional reaction? Happy? Scared? Confused?

The first thing to know is that there is no “right way” to feel. This is a different ride for every dad. So don’t add extra stress. Just let yourself feel what you feel and be where you are.

Here are our two main recommendations for taking care of yourself at this stage:

1. Don’t isolate or bottle your feelings. This is a big deal for you and it should be. Talk to a friend, talk to your partner, or talk dads in your life who have already gone through this journey. Just talk! Most dads do this journey alone and that isn’t the right strategy.

2. Continue or restart healthy practices. Are you going to the gym, meditating, playing sports, etc? Maybe you see a therapist? What do you do to stay healthy? When the baby comes these things get harder, so getting in the habit now is a good proactive strategy. Mom and baby will need a lot from you, so get yourself in shape physically, mentally, and spiritually.

How Can You Be Helpful?

Your partner does the physiological work of pregnancy and birth. But there is still a ton you can do to be helpful and make her life easier.

Your primary job is to support her as fully as you can. Your role is to create safety, deepen connection, and help reduce stress. Creating a human life takes up a ton of energy, so you need to take as many other burdens off her shoulders as you can. You are her ride-or-die in this journey — and you’re way more important to this process than you know.

Our ethos at Fatherhood Ready is for us to be fully engaged partners throughout the process. That means acting like a co-founder or co-owner of your family business — and not acting like an intern. In other words, don’t be the guy that’s always waiting around for your partner to tell you what to do.

What's your main action item in this first month?

Don't be like Seth Rogen in Knocked Up. Read a trusted pregnancy book together.

In Closing

Month 2: Things Are Starting to Get Real

Welcome to month 2 of your fatherhood journey! You probably feel that things are a bit “more real” at this point. Some parents share the news of the pregnancy right away, and some often wait until the end of the first trimester. The big news might still be held just by you and your partner — or maybe just your innermost circle.

Either way, if the first month is really about adjusting to the shock of the news and trying to make sense of it, this month you might be able to get your feet under yourself and start to move more firmly in the direction of planning and preparation.

What's Going On with Your Partner?

This month, your partner’s body is in full swing, working hard to grow your little one.

She may be experiencing some of the following:

Physically: Morning sickness might be kicking into high gear (and remember, it can happen any time of day). Fatigue is still a big one—your partner might be more tired than usual. This is a time to really begin to practice being a caregiver, lean in on the chores and do what you can to help her be as comfortable as possible.

Emotionally: The emotional rollercoaster continues. Hormonal changes can lead to mood swings, so it’s important to stay patient and supportive. This is also the time when many couples start to feel more excited as the reality of having a baby starts to sink in.

Spiritually: The shift from Maiden to Mother is an archetypal transition of the highest order. As your partner goes through the pregnancy, parts of her begin to go through a deep process of evolution. At this early stage, pay attention, listen, and affirm what she’s experiencing.

What's Going On with Your Baby?

Your baby is growing rapidly and is now officially an embryo. Here’s what’s happening:

Size: Your baby is about the size of a raspberry. My wife and I always laughed at the apps that compare our little baby to fruit or veggies, but we did really like having the information at hand.

Development: This month, your baby’s heart is starting to beat, and major organs like the brain, liver, and kidneys are beginning to form. Tiny buds that will eventually become arms and legs are also starting to develop.

What's Going On with You?

How are you? Hanging in there? We expect that things might just be starting to sink in. The birth is still a long way away, but trust us — it will go fast.

You have plenty of time to get your home ready, and we see month two as the time to really get your priorities straight and to really align with your partner about your hopes & intentions for the journey ahead. So while there is no need to rush, we do want to urge you to be proactive and get your head, heart, and hands all aligned.

You might be experiencing:

Emotions: You’re likely feeling a little more connected to the pregnancy now, but it’s okay if it still doesn’t feel 100% real yet. You might be having some recurring thoughts of how this is going to impact your life. Many expecting dads often feel a sense of fear of losing some of their free time or freedom in general. That is real! Becoming a dad involves letting go of some of what you love about life–not forever–but your priorities will change. The feelings that go along with this are healthy and normal.

Evolving Responsibilities: I never actually knew what “responsibility” meant until I became a dad. Before kids you need to make enough money to live, but after kids you are responsible for the wellbeing of a whole family. This new reality just hits differently. No need to panic, but what you can do now is begin to be international and proactive. Get really clear about your financial situation, and clear about your career trajectory.

So what is your exact role at this point in the journey? For short crib sheet, we see the priorities for expecting dads as follows:

Take care of your partner. Your first job is fundamentally to serve and support the wellbeing and whole health of your partner and your growing baby. It’s your job to do everything you can for her to have the pregnancy and birth that she wants.

Strengthen your relationship. Your second job is to be proactive about strengthening your relationship. This might feel that this overlaps with #1, because it does. But it’s different. This is about learning to communicate well, learning how to be present with each other, and learning about how to navigate challenges together. These are all skills and need to be intentionally developed. Think of it as the biggest investment you can make for your growing family.

Get healthy, present, and clear. Pregnancy is this awesome opportunity for you to get your shit together. Do you know where your career is going? Are your finances organized? Are you taking care of your body? Do you have support systems in place for yourself?

We created the Fatherhood Ready course for dads who are leaning in to all of these. Check it out here!

How Can You Be Helpful?

Here are some practical ways to be there for your partner this month:

Be Supportive: Morning sickness and fatigue can take a toll, so offer to help with anything that might lighten her load, like cooking, cleaning, or running errands. If you want to up the ante on this, start to take the point of view of predicting what she might need. Take a wide lens view of all the household chores and let her know that you are handling what you can–in advance. If you want to really go all in on this, check out the widely regarded book Fair Play, by Eve Rodsky.

Communicate: Keep the lines of communication open. Ask her how she’s feeling and if there’s anything specific she needs from you. Be curious about her, but also take initiative and share with her what’s happening for you in your internal world. This is a time for really getting in alignment with each other about how you want to build a family and raise your children!

That’s your update for month 2. There’s a lot to pay attention to here, but I want to add that men have been doing this since the beginning of human history! You got this, and even simply by reading this email, you are doing more to prep for fatherhood than 99% of men out there.

Month 3: The End of the First Trimester

When I was a kid, I grew up in the flat prairie land of North Dakota, and I dreamed of seeing the Rocky Mountains. On my first trip to Montana I remember seeing the first mountain in the distance. It was far in the distance, and it was massive, but my mind couldn’t really make sense of it. It was the moment of, “ok, this is really happening”.

The end of the first trimester is similar to that. Your partner’s clothes might not be fitting like they used to, and maaaaybe you can start to see her showing. This is also the time that many couples make the announcement to their friends and family and loved ones. You might be really getting it that you are heading into the mountains, and you might be feeling all kinds of things.

Also, for me and a lot of dads, this is about the time that you get to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. It probably goes without saying, but GO TO THE APPOINTMENTS DUDE. All of them. It’s important.

Lastly, it may or not be happening yet, but the first trimester is often the hardest when it comes to morning sickness and some of the hardest pregnancy symptoms.

Change is afoot.

What's Going On with Your Partner?

This month marks the end of the first trimester, and with that comes often some relief, but also some new changes.

Physically: Your partner might start to feel a bit better as morning sickness often begins to fade around this time. Energy levels might increase slightly, but fatigue can still be a factor. You may also notice her belly starting to show as the uterus expands, making the pregnancy more visible.

Emotionally: The hormonal roller coaster is still in full swing, but there might be more moments of excitement and relief as the pregnancy becomes more real. The risk of miscarriage drops significantly after the first trimester, which can bring some peace of mind.

What's Going On with Your Baby?

Your baby is growing rapidly and developing critical features this month.

Size: By the end of this month, your baby will be about the size of a lime. You might have a margarita to celebrate. We should totally create a cocktail guide for each month.

Development: Fingers and toes are forming, and your baby’s facial features are becoming more distinct. The brain is developing rapidly, and the kidneys are starting to produce urine. The bones are beginning to harden, and the baby is starting to move, although it’s too early for your partner to feel it yet.

What's Going On with You?

As you move through the first trimester, your role becomes more defined. You may be taking lead on some of the logistical prep that is needed for the birth and that magical wild moment when you actually bring your baby home. You might also have a bunch of very normal questions running through your head.

Here are a bunch of questions and concerns we’ve heard from dads at this point of the journey:

What am I getting myself into? What will happen to my golf game / happy hour / meditation practice / (insert your favorite pastime here).

Who is this woman and where has my partner / wife gone?

What about sex? What is our sex life going to look like in the months and years ahead?

What birth advice is correct? There seem to be so many opinions on all of this, how do we make the best choices?

Do I get to have an opinion on where and how the baby is born? What really is my role in this whole thing?

Can we afford to have a baby? How much is this going to cost?

Any of those ring a bell? If not, right on man you are ahead of the game. If so, you are just simply normal. You might be starting to feel the magnitude of the change in your life.

Speaking of feelings, we cannot highlight enough how important it is to begin to get more familiar with your feelings. There are 3 reasons for this:

Repressing emotions is a maladaptive strategy, and doesn’t do anyone any good. Emotions are a normal and healthy part of every human. For you own wellness, you need to have your feelings.

Having your own feelings allows you to be present with your partner’s emotions. As nervous system expert Jonny Miller states so eloquently, if we can’t be with our partner’s feelings, we will try to shut them down. And that leads to disconnection & resentment in relationship.

Lastly, modeling healthy emotions to your kids is a massive gift, not only to your children but to society. Men are doing a lot of evolving these days, and being emotionally healthy is a big part of that.

How Can You Be Helpful?

No matter how “on it” you are with supporting the pregnancy, please know that you will never do it perfectly. You will screw up and I’m sure your partner will be angry, disappointed, or frustrated with you from time to time. If this isn’t true for you, that’s miraculous and wonderful. But I don’t know any dads or marriages where that holds steady.

At Fatherhood Ready we ascribe to the value of having a growth mindset. We believe that no matter if we’re struggling or kicking ass, the best mindset is continuous growth and improvement.

Here’s something a lot of people don’t think about. Many women have been prepping for their entrance to motherhood their entire lives. Literally. Obviously not all, but many women played house, played with dolls, and had a vision for parenthood as a basic part of their life vision. Maybe you did too, but speaking on cultural averages here, probably not.

It’s true in my house, my daughter takes care of her dolls every single day. It’s her favorite thing to play, by far. She calls them “her babies”.

The reason I’m sharing this is that your partner is probably leagues ahead of you. She’s thought more about birth, talked more about birth, read more about birth, heard more stories about birth…you get it.

So, and I’m overemphasizing this on purpose, your job is not to be as informed as your partner. Your job is to be honest about where you are and what she needs and wants. Your job is to learn as you go and grow as you go.

That’s it.

Here’s how you can be a supportive partner during month 3:

Be Patient: As your partner’s symptoms shift, be patient and understanding. The ups and downs might be less intense, but they’re still there. Patience is a parental superpower. One way to get better at it is a sitting meditation practice. The big apps like Calm or Waking Up are awesome.

Help with Planning: Start discussing plans for the next trimester, including any potential baby announcements or gender reveal ideas if that’s something you’re considering. Our Baby Prep Planner gives you a solid overview of this and other needs at this point in the journey.

Celebrate Milestones: Reaching the end of the first trimester is a big deal! Celebrate with your partner, whether that’s a small gesture or something more significant. Have you thought about a Baby Moon?

What the F is a babymoon? It’s a trip, of any length, to any place. The point is a “last hurrah”, a time to bond with your partner, have fun, and enjoy life as it is before baby comes. My wife and I went to Maui and it was f*cking amazing. We went to nude beaches, heard whales sing, picked up a hitchhiker that told us he could levitate, and had a lot of awesome pregnancy sex.

That’s your update for month 3. The last message for this month is to remind you to not be a lone wolf through this process. Another one of our core values at Fatherhood Ready is WOLF PACK > LONE WOLF. It’s not always easy to reach out, but we promise it will give you the biggest return on investment in the long run.

Month 4: Put me in coach, I’m ready to go

Welcome to the second trimester! You made it!

Of course you still have a very long way to go (the rest of your life), but getting officially past the 1st trimester is a big deal. Many people refer to this as the "honeymoon phase" of pregnancy because some of the more difficult early symptoms begin to ease up, and you and your partner can start to enjoy the process more.

That was true for all 3 of my wife’s pregnancies. The fear of miscarriage went away, the “proof” of a baby bump and the ultrasound check ups–I don’t know why but it makes me think of Guns and Roses. I’m honestly not sure why.

If you’ve ever taken a long road trip, you might recall that there is a sweet spot in the middle. You’re in the flow of long days and gas station snacks, but your butt isn’t sore yet and you’re not secretly hoping for it to be over. That’s the second trimester. The journey is fully in motion, you know where you’re headed, and hopefully you have enough snacks.

Speaking of snacks, one of the greatest joys of my life was feeding my pregnant wife. The only greater joy was feeding her after the baby arrived. There’s something primal about it. Pro tip: have you heard of meal trains? There are a few different apps that help you put the call out for food to be cooked and delivered by friends and family after baby comes home. This is 100% something you should do. Trust us on this one.

What's Going On with Your Partner?

As you enter the second trimester, you might notice some changes in your partner.

Physically: Your partner might be feeling better overall—less nausea and more energy. This is also when the “pregnancy glow” often starts to appear, thanks to increased blood flow and hormonal changes. Her belly is becoming more noticeable, and you might be able to feel the baby move soon. It’s also true that often mama’s breasts grow and her nipples get darker, which in our home was something we celebrated (tmi but come on, it’s cool).

Emotionally: With the risks of the first trimester behind her, your partner might feel more relaxed and excited. However, this is also when she might start thinking more seriously about labor, delivery, and parenting, which can bring about some new anxieties.

Mentally: One thing to note these days is to check in with the expectations your partner may have around birth and parenthood. Specially what I’m noting here is to check in on what you and she are seeing on social media. Mothers are truly slammed with content about motherhood, it’s pretty intense. It’s hard to live up to instagram ideals, and it's good to talk about this together.

What's Going On with Your Baby?

Your baby is continuing to grow and develop in exciting ways.

Size: By the end of this month, your baby will be about the size of an avocado and weigh about 4 ounces.

Development: Your baby’s eyes and ears are moving into their final positions, and they can now hear your voice! The brain continues to develop, and reflexes are becoming more defined—your baby might even start sucking their thumb. It’s now responsive to light, and is beginning to interact with sounds from outside the belly.

Here’s a solid video about your baby's development in the second trimester.

What's Going On with You?

Are you feeling it yet?

Emotions: There’s a solid chance that you are feeling a bit more connected to the pregnancy at this point (though don’t stress if you don’t). If you’ve ever done mushrooms, or just watched a movie where people ate mushrooms, there’s often a comical period that happens between “i don’t know if I’m feeling anything” and “oh damn, yeah I’m feeling it.” That might be this month of the pregnancy.

Responsibilities: Pregnancy is not a great time to procrastinate. You never know what is going to happen, and it’s simply good to be prepared. I came a month early, and my mom loves to tell the story that they were completely ready. Don’t worry, there’s a small chance of that happening, but I’ll encourage you to think of early preparation as investing in your partner’s mental well being. Get things locked down so she can relax.

Your Intellect: At this point in pregnancy, you may start to realize how much you don’t know about this whole process. You might be getting curious about matrescence. Ever seen that word? Most dudes haven’t. Matrescence is the term for the physical, psychological and social transition that women experience while becoming moms. Here is a really solid article to start getting a sense of what it might feel like for your partner

How Can You Be Helpful?

Here’s how you can step up and be the supportive partner your family needs:

Take the Lead on Prep: We like the strategy of taking one one major baby project each week for the rest of the pregnancy. Maybe this week you pick out and buy your car seat. Next week you paint the nursery, etc. Set yourself up for success by putting some structure around the prep, communicate about it with your partner, and follow through.

Talk with your kid. Not joking here! As your baby continues to develop, they will begin to know your voice. It felt weird at first, but I learned to love reading books to my kids before they were born. I suggest you just spend as much time as you can close to that belly. Just hang out.

Plan a Date Night: In our online course, we have an entire module designed to help you strengthen your relationship before the birth. But if I had to boil down one thing to tell you to do, date your partner–now and always. When baby comes and grows into a toddler and on, you will put your entire family into a better place if you make it a priority to continue the love, reverence, and romance that your relationship carries. It is SO easy to let that go, and trust me it never goes well. Get lots of dates in now and be aware that you’ll have to fight for them later on.

That’s your update for month 4.

You got this.

You got this.

You got this.

And we got you.

Month 5: Hump Month (the midway point)

Ok, you’re on the 50 yard line. Your hospital bag is packed and maybe you just felt your baby kick for the first time.

Maybe having a hospital bag packed at this point is a little overkill, and maybe you haven’t felt the baby kick yet, but by now there is no damn confusion–fatherhood is coming.

At this point in the journey, it's a good time to start having some deeper thoughts about what’s coming. I don’t know if this is news to you or not, but this is going to change you. Probably on a larger scale than any other event in your life.

It’s the kind of change that you can’t fully prepare for, it literally shapes us into some different kind of human. I can tell you firsthand that this is really good news, and that it's going to hurt a lot. This life you’ve been living before kids, there’s much that will recede into the past. You will go through a process of grieving what you used to. Some dreams will fade.

And yet your heart is about to explode (in the good way not that bad way). If you’ve seen the Grinch movie, remember when it grows twice as big. Yeah that happens.

This is a good time to ask yourself what kind of dad you want to be. It’s a good time to ask what type of fathering you received. Much of who we are as dads is inherited, and if you want to do it different, you need to get clear on it.

The sooner the better.

What's Going On with Your Partner?

Your partner is likely feeling a mix of excitement and physical changes as the baby continues to grow.

Physically: The baby’s movements might be more noticeable now, and your partner might start experiencing some new physical symptoms, such as back pain or leg cramps, as her body continues to adjust to the growing baby. The uterus is expanding, and your partner may start feeling Braxton Hicks contractions, which are like practice contractions for the real thing. She also might have an increased libido, more on pregnancy sex below…

Emotionally: This is often a time of mixed emotions. While there’s excitement about being halfway through the pregnancy, there can also be anxiety about the upcoming changes and the responsibilities of parenthood. This midway point is a great time to drop in together on deeper topics and start to imagine your future together with more detail and precision. What kind of parents do you want to be? What values will your family live by?

Sexually: Most of the pregnancy guides like to point out that this stage in pregnancy may see an increase in your partner’s libido. This is, obviously, a very personal thing, but it also is an important thing that doesn’t get talked about in the open very much. I’m sure you’re aware, but sex lives tend to change with the onset of birth and children, sometimes dramatically. Our recommendation is to lean into being able to talk openly with your partner about your desires and feelings around sex. Use this awesome article to help get you started.

What's Going On with Your Baby?

Your baby is growing quickly and developing key features this month.

Size: By the end of this month, your baby will be about the size of a banana, or a burrito. I personally like burritos a lot, way more than bananas. But your baby may be a whole pound, so a lot of growth has been happening in the last month.

Development: The baby’s senses are developing rapidly. Their hearing is improving, and they can respond to sounds, including your voice. The baby is also developing a sleep-wake cycle, and you might notice more regular periods of movement.

What's Going On with You?

As the pregnancy progresses, your role as a supportive partner becomes even more critical. These mid and later months are the “stepping up” months. They are an opportunity to get your head on straight and start to dive deeper into the transition that you are going through.

Social Life: You might have siblings or friends with kids already, if so you might be leaning on them or leaning toward them. You simply can’t beat close loved ones for support at this time. However, if your loved ones don’t have kids, you might start to feel isolated as this new familial reality forms. It’s good to monitor this, a healthy social life is critical for mental health, and for many it gets harder after kids.

Responsibilities: Now is a great time to start attending childbirth classes with your partner. These classes can help both of you feel more prepared for the big day and give you confidence in your role during labor and delivery. We highly suggest you supplement your local birth classes with our course Fatherhood Ready, and the community of dads we’ve brought together to support you. One of your first responsibilities will always be to take care of yourself, so get the community and support you need.

How Can You Be Helpful?

Here’s how you can be a rockstar partner during month 5:

Go beyond the basic birth class: You are going to get your bases covered by a local birth class, but if you want to bring some awesome resources to your partner, we highly recommend courses by Birthsmarter, their work is smart and just all around awesome. They have both online and in person options.

Take a deep dive: If you feel solid on the logistics and planning for what’s coming up, we highly recommend you and your partner read Transformed by Birth, by Britta Bushnell. It is deep and moving and impactful.

Start Planning for the Third Trimester: The third trimester will bring its own set of challenges, so start thinking ahead about how you can support your partner during that time. This might include planning for any home modifications, like setting up the nursery, or thinking about your work schedule as the due date approaches.

Here is a final, fun assignment for you.

Over the next month, keep an eye out on the depictions of dads you see in the media. Your goal is to find 3 examples of dads portrayed in movies, podcasts, tv, books, etc–that you think are admirable and awesome.

Just like anything else, it's really helpful to see examples of what you want to become!

Month 6: Superwoman

You’re getting closer to the third trimester, and you are probably starting to notice the insane miracle that’s happening in front of your very eyes. Yes of course the growing baby is a miracle, but I’m referring to your partner. This month’s Guide is dedicated to celebrating your partner and beginning to get a grip on the awe inspiring transformation she is undertaking.

It’s really akin to something from a sci-fi novel. Your partner now has an obviously living being, in the bottom of her torso. She is feeding it with the energy she is taking in, and protecting it in the most primal way as it develops and grows into someone that is soon to be the most important person in your life.

Being by my wife’s side as she gave birth to 3 children has changed me more than anything else in my life. It has shown me what being human actually is and what it actually means. It is a straight up miracle, and I don’t use that word very often.

This month we want to point to the paradoxical nature of becoming a parent. On one hand, its very mundane–you now have a bunch of new responsibilities that you have to take on. And on the other hand, primal nature is unfolding directly in your life and will change you forever.

#fuckyeahdad

What's Going On with Your Partner?

Your partner is likely feeling the weight (literally) of the pregnancy now.

Physically: As the baby continues to grow, your partner might start feeling more discomfort, especially in her back and legs. Swelling in the feet and ankles is common, and she might also experience heartburn or indigestion as the baby pushes against her stomach. The baby’s kicks might be stronger and more noticeable.

Emotionally: The reality of the approaching birth can bring a mix of excitement and anxiety. Your partner might start nesting—preparing the home for the baby’s arrival—while also feeling nervous about labor and delivery. It’s important to be there to listen and provide reassurance.

Primally: I don't think that us dads will ever get it, I don’t know if we can. Our partner is not just our partner anymore, she is fully merged with another being. She will now have the baby's DNA in her body for the rest of her life (called fetal microchimerism), read about this wild shit here.

What's Going On with Your Baby?

Your baby is continuing to grow and develop key features in month 6.

Size: By the end of this month, your baby will be about the size of an ear of corn. About a foot long and possibly up to 2 pounds, your baby is getting strong enough to kick in a way that might be surprisingly strong.

Development: The baby’s lungs are developing rapidly, preparing for breathing outside the womb. The baby is also starting to accumulate fat under the skin, and the brain is growing at a fast pace. The baby’s movements are becoming more coordinated, and they might start to respond to your touch. Your kid is alive and aware!

What's Going On with You?

The third trimester is looming. You still have some time, but if you haven’t kicked into action / preparation mode yet, it’s time.

As you move into action, we strongly suggest you simultaneously and intentionally slow down. With our first kid, the 6th month was when we timed our babymoon, and it felt really wonderful to have some time to focus solely on the relationship, the baby, and our future. You don’t need to take a big vacation or anything like that, but we suggest you do your best to create some intentional time together.

One of the reasons for this intentional time is to make room for and honor the changes that are taking place. You need to grock the reality that your partner is changing, and that means that she won’t be the same after this.

Maybe let that land. Her priorities are changing, her identity is changing. Your relationship is changing. You are going to lose some of what you have and something different will be in its place.

If you don’t allow that to happen, you might hold on and cling to what you know. If I know one thing for fucking sure, it’s that clinging on will only bring suffering.

It’s time to begin to let go and let change happen.

Some good questions to be asking yourself at this point:

What are you noticing about your partner?

Where is she getting what she needs, and where is she not?

What are you most excited about and looking forward to as a dad?

What are you most nervous about?

How Can You Be Helpful?

Here’s how you can continue to be a supportive partner during month 6:

Be There for the Big Decisions: If you haven’t already, now’s the time to make important decisions, like choosing a pediatrician or finalizing your birth plan. Your input is valuable, and being involved will help your partner feel supported. We like to suggest that your main role is to support your partner's desires for the birth, but to also have a point of view and be empowered to share your thoughts and feelings.

Offer Physical Support: As your partner’s body changes, she might need more help with physical tasks, like getting comfortable in bed or moving around the house. Be ready to lend a hand when needed.

Start Preparing for the Third Trimester: The third trimester can bring new challenges, so start thinking ahead about how you can support your partner during this time. This might include planning for any last-minute home modifications or getting ready for your paternity leave.

I have a challenge for you, if you choose to accept.

This month, plan a celebration of your partner. Pick a day and a time and go all in on honoring her, loving her, and cherishing her. See if you can plan something amazing, and then double the love and double the energy on it. There are no rules or limits here, maybe you take her to her favorite restaurant and read her a letter you’ve written to her. Maybe you throw her a surprise party and invite the people that she feels most alive with.

Celebrate the miracle that is her.

Month 7: Third Trimester

Welcome to the third trimester! You’re in the home stretch now, and things are about to get even more real. This is a crucial time for both your partner and your baby, and our hope is that over the course of this pregnancy, you’re feeling more and more strength in your relationship and more clarity on what is expected of you in these times.

The birth is looming. This moment is going to be one of your most important memories, and much of your preparation is probably focused on the big day. That is appropriate, but with a few months to go, we think it’s good timing to really think through what happens immediately after the baby arrives.

Here is something you get to look forward to: when the birth has happened, you will find yourself in your home. Your child will be in your arms, and all of the support people will have vanished. You might have a bit of a comical moment where you realize you have absolutely no idea how to take care of a baby. I remember feeling like, “Uh guys? Where’d you go? You don’t actually mean it's up to us now?”

I’ve talked about this moment with countless other parents, and it's a thing.

The reality is, birth gets a lot of attention because it needs it, but it’s not the finish line, it’s the starting line. It’s the starting line of a job that will literally last for the rest of your life.

But let’s not get carried away. After the birth is done, you have a big job to do. The postpartum period is often referred to as the 4th Trimester. One of my close friends, Kimberly Johnson, wrote a book of that name. It is essential reading from my point of view.

The postpartum time is when you get to start really earning your stripes as a dad and caregiver. It is a time to be present and to be home. It is a time to get in bed with your new family and just be. It’s also the time to step up and take care of your home and wife so she can do the wildly important job of the first weeks and months of caring for your baby.

It’s game time and this month is time to get ready.

What's Going On with Your Partner?

Your partner is likely feeling the physical and emotional weight of pregnancy more than ever.

Physically: By now, your partner’s belly is likely quite prominent, and she may be experiencing more discomfort. This could include back pain, shortness of breath, or difficulty sleeping. Swelling in the feet and hands might also become more noticeable. As the baby grows, your partner may start feeling even more frequent and stronger movements.

Emotionally: The approach of the due date can bring a mix of excitement and anxiety. Your partner may be feeling more emotional, and the reality of giving birth might start to sink in. It’s important to be patient, understanding, and ready to provide emotional support.

Community: During the birth process, a community of support forms around your partner. Doctors, midwives, doulas, friends, family–think of these people as your team. Your partner needs a solid team made up of people she feels safe with and fully trusts. Your job is to help her assemble that team.

What's Going On with Your Baby?

Your baby is rapidly developing and getting ready for life outside the womb.

Size: By the end of this month, your baby will be about the size of a head of lettuce.

Development: The baby’s brain is growing rapidly, and their body is continuing to put on fat. The baby’s lungs are almost fully developed, and they’re practicing breathing by inhaling amniotic fluid. The baby might start turning into a head-down position in preparation for birth.

What's Going On with You?

If this pregnancy was your favorite roller coaster, month 7 is the moment when you are clanking your way up the initial hill and you’re nearing the top. You can start to feel what’s about to occur.

Emotions: Are you feeling stress? If you are, this is a great time to think through how you normally cope with stress, and how you might want to manage it differently. Stress is not a bad thing, per se, but chronic or unaddressed stress can take you out. This might sound a bit harsh, but this is an important time to be really honest with yourself–are you leaning on bad habits that you’re not addressing? When baby arrives it is not a good time to lean on alcohol or other substances to cope. It’s not a good time to go into extra work-a-holic mode, or distance yourself from friends. It IS a good time for therapy, exercise, and other healthy ways of managing life’s hardships.

Responsibilities: We assume that at this point you have a solid birth plan, or are getting close to it being finalized. It’s your job to know that plan inside and out, and it’ll be your job to advocate for that plan coming to fruition. Also, we are suggesting that this month you also put together your postpartum plan. How much time are you and your partner taking off from work? Who is allowed to visit the baby, and when? Have you put a meal train together? Will you need help with the house, cooking, or cleaning? And maybe most important, do you have a good queue of shows in Netflix all set up?

How Can You Be Helpful?

Here’s how you can step up as a supportive partner during month 7:

Finalize the Birth Plan: If you haven’t already, sit down with your partner and finalize your birth plan. Make sure you’re both on the same page about what to expect and what you want during labor and delivery. Know your role and talk through every part of the plan.

Prepare for the Hospital: Start packing a hospital bag if you haven’t already. Make sure you have everything you need for a comfortable stay, including clothes, toiletries, snacks, and any important documents. If it makes it easier for you, we have created a hospital packing list with the help of our wives? Get it here. (LINK TO BABY PREP PLANNER)

Research and Plan for Postpartum: Your future self will be glad that you took some time now to think this through. We like this Postpartum planner, check it out.

This process asks a lot from you. If you are reading all of these emails and even taking 25% of it seriously, you are taking on a lot. And most likely you still have work and all your normal responsibilities as well. Your capacity might feel stretched.

Get used to it. I don’t want to sugarcoat it. You are heading into something that you’re not going to be able to handle. Not all of it, all of the time, anyway.

Here’s some amazing news: your capacity is about to go through a massive growth spurt. I predict that you are going to surprise yourself. You’re going to be able to handle more in one day than you have in a month.

Use this time well. Lean on us.

Month 8: Preparing for Birth

We are so excited to support you as the birth of your child gets near. It’s a real honor.

My daughter was born on January 3rd, 2022. She was our third child, and we went into the last few months feeling a sense of deep sadness. The sadness had nothing to do with her, it had to do with the realization that this was the last time we were going to have a child together. I remember one night when we talked about it, I remember looking at my wife and breaking down as I remembered and felt what we had done together.

I am more proud of my family than anything else in my life. I have accomplished many things, I have had success in many ways, but nothing is even in the same league as the reverence I have for getting to make, have and raise babies with my wife.

Wilderness was born at home, in the bathtub, lit by candlelight. The labor lasted less than 60 minutes, and our daughter was born before the midwife made it to our home. It was the most moving, sacred thing I have ever seen. Alysse reached down and caught our daughter, and our family was complete.

It was especially poignant because the road to a peaceful birth was wild. Our first kid Duke was born with 30 hours of laboring, lots of throwing up, an unexpected hospital transfer, and an umbilical cord neatly wrapped around his tiny neck. Our second son Jude was born fast and with intensity, traits he’s still carrying around to this day.

I’m sharing bits of these stories with you, because the chances are that you haven’t heard too many birth stories in your life. It’s just not a thing dads hear very often.

But soon you’re going to have your own birth story, and that’s just fucking awesome.

What's Going On with Your Partner?

Your partner is likely feeling the physical and emotional intensity of the final weeks of pregnancy. In these late innings, nature begins to take over. Nesting might be taking on a new definition, and feelings of being ready to be done with the pregnancy might be creeping in.

Physically: Your partner may be experiencing significant discomfort as the baby continues to grow. Common symptoms include back pain, pelvic pressure, and difficulty sleeping. She might also notice an increase in Braxton Hicks contractions as her body prepares for labor. Swelling in the feet and ankles might become more pronounced. I have a compassionate memory of my very pregnant wife trying on shoes in a shoe store at the 8 month mark, the shoe salesman was no match for my very moody wife and it ended with tears and yelling…total disaster.

Emotionally: You are probably very aware of the cocktail of emotions that your partner is experiencing. Here’s a magic phrase to employ when feelings are high…”that makes sense.” Your partner needs to be seen and heard, and her feelings need affirmation. The truth is that her feelings do make sense, but you might not always see it. Anyway, trust me on this one. “That makes sense honey. That makes all the sense in the world.” (You’ll thank me later for this one guys).

Domestically: The nesting reflex is real. In nature, when a baby is coming mothers disappear until they find the right spot to give birth. For us humans, this manifests in small ways like new paint and house projects, and weirdly often in big ways like major moves and new housing situations. If I had a nickel for every dad I talked to that was expecting his first baby and dealing with a big move or house project, I’d have hundreds of nickels.

What's Going On with Your Baby?

Your baby is almost fully developed and getting ready for birth.

Size: By the end of this month, your baby will be about the size of a pineapple.

Development: The baby’s brain and lungs are fully developed, and they’re continuing to put on weight. The baby’s movements might slow down a bit as they run out of room, but you should still feel regular kicks and movements. The baby is likely in a head-down position, ready for birth.

What's Going On with You?

Ideally you are beginning to feel prepared. You should have some books under your belt, or our course. Hopefully you’ve talked with your family and friends and are just generally getting your head into the reality that’s about to be unleashed.

Emotions: Mom is probably feeling a lot, and you might be too. I know we’ve said things like this before, but there is simply no right way to feel.

Responsibilities: Make sure everything is in place for the baby’s arrival. Double-check that the nursery is ready, the car seat is installed, and the hospital bag is packed. It’s also a good time to review your birth plan and make sure you’re prepared for the big day.

Relationally: Take the temperature of your relationship with your partner. How do things feel? Are you aligned? Are you working together well? What’s the quality of your communication? You are headed into the time where she will need you in a way that you’ve probably not ever been needed before. I think the most important question is, can she rely on you when it counts?

Professionally: Hopefully you have a clear plan for time off work, and it has been communicated to the right colleagues at work. Welcome to the new world of balancing work and family. If you are feeling overwhelmed by this, you’re not alone. Balancing the immovable priorities of family and work is a challenge most or all dads are in continuously.

How Can You Be Helpful?

Here’s how you can continue to be a supportive partner during month 8:

Be Ready for Labor: Make sure you’re familiar with the signs of labor and know what to do when your partner goes into labor. Review your birth plan and make sure you’re prepared for any situation that might arise. I think it’s really helpful to watch birth videos, just to get a sense of what actually happens. Labor is a very primal, real experience, full of bodily fluids and blood and feces. It invokes primal screams and deeper emotions than most of us have experienced. Raw birth videos give you a heads up and can help you from being caught off guard.

Be Present: When we asked birth professionals the single most important thing for dads during labor and birth, literally all of them said to simply be present. That means phone off, undistracted, relaxed and responsive. The opposite of the present might look being spaced out, in your head, trying to fix things, or getting lost in your or other’s emotions. Your partner is about to do the hardest thing she’s ever done, and what your presence offers her is a greater gift than you can imagine.

Prepare for the Baby’s Arrival: Time for your shit to be tight. Make sure everything is in place for the baby’s arrival. This might include finalizing the nursery, installing the car seat, and packing a hospital bag. Make sure you’re ready to go when the big day arrives.

I have an assignment for you, and this one is actually just for you and no one else. This month, I challenge you to do something small from your bucket list. Do something purely selfish, purely for fun or pleasure. Give yourself a parting gift and enjoy the freedom you don’t yet fully know you have.

Month 9: The Final Countdown

My first thought for you in this last month of prepping for dadhood is to identify what your theme song is. If you were an MMA fighter and were about to have the biggest championship fight of your life, what would you want to hear as you walked to the ring.

It might sound cheesy, but pick your song and play it loud. Put it on your birth playlist and promise to play it at least once during labor.

While you play your theme song, I want you to take just a moment to pay attention to this incredible transformation you are going through. This is about the baby and it’s about your partner, but dude it's also about you.

All of the tasks and responsibilities, all of the self inquiry and in the planning–this is the stuff that grows us up into real men. Full, responsible, caring and loving men.

It’s not an instant change, it happens bit by by bit over years.

I want to be honest with you, fatherhood has totally kicked my ass. I’m not saying that in some cute way, I mean I have struggled the last 8 years of my life. But I can see also how it’s shaping me into a much better person, a much more grounded, realistic, and capable person. I trust myself WAY more now than at any other point in my life.

I don’t actually know how to measure if I am a good dad or not, but I know I’ve truly put my heart and soul into being a dad.

As you cross this threshold, I am honored to welcome you into the oldest fraternity in the world, fatherhood.

What's Going On with Your Partner?

GET THIS THING OUT OF ME! My wife actually yelled that at me once.

Physically: By now, your partner is probably feeling pretty uncomfortable. The baby is dropping lower into the pelvis, which might relieve some pressure on the lungs but increase pressure on the bladder. She might experience more frequent Braxton Hicks contractions, and her body is getting ready for labor. Swelling, back pain, and fatigue are likely at their peak.

Emotionally: Impatient. Grumpy. In awe. So exhausted. Filled with unexpected energy. Dependent and needy for you. Scared and pushing you away. How about we sum it up by saying “All of the feelings.”

What's Going On with Your Baby?

Your baby is fully developed and just getting ready to meet the world.

Size: By the end of this month, your baby will be about the size of a small watermelon.

Development: At this point, the baby’s organs are fully developed and ready for life outside the womb. The baby is continuing to gain weight and might be dropping lower into your partner’s pelvis, getting into position for birth. Movements might feel different now as the baby has less room to move around, but you should still feel regular movements.

What's Going On with You?

As the due date approaches, your job is to stay present, empathetic, and calm. This is when you really get to be the eye of the storm, the calm center that she can turn to for refuge and shelter and peace.

Emotions: This one is aspirational. IFS (Internal Family Systems) is a therapeutic modality I trust and treasure deeply. They have a pneumonic known as the 8 C’s, these are what we all naturally feel when we are at home with ourselves: Compassion, Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Connectedness, Confidence, and Creativity. You may feel some of these, or maybe none of them–but my suggestion is to give them a shot. If you can embody some of these, some of the time, you’re doing great!

Responsibilities: Your job is to create safety for your partner so she can let go and give birth. Your job is to care for her and your baby while being as present and engaged as you possibly can. Your job will be to bond with the baby, provide for your family and grow up into the best mature version of yourself. Got it?

How Can You Be Helpful?

Here’s how you can be the best partner possible during month 9:

Be Ready to Go: Labor can start at any time, so make sure you’re ready to drop everything and go when the time comes. Keep your phone charged, know the route to the hospital, and have your bag ready.

Trust the process: I used to make tv shows. We would spend months getting ready to shoot an episode, and then finally the day would come where we stopped planning and just let it rip. Just let it rip man. You got this.

Help with Final Preparations: Double-check that everything is ready for the baby’s arrival. This might include finishing up the nursery, ensuring the car seat is properly installed, and making sure you have all the essentials packed for the hospital. Have things set up for when you get home, and keep yourself and your partner slept, fed and hydrated in these last weeks and days.

As you go into labor, we send you our most sincere and heartfelt wishes and blessings. May your child’s entrance into this world be blessed.